God's question and mine

On locating oneself and the voice of the Shepherd

Over the past few months, the questions God asked in Scripture have been a thematic space for meditation that I have repeatedly returned to.¹ The first recorded question in Genesis was asked by the serpent, but it was closely followed by a second question from the Creator. Just after Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree and their eyes were irrevocably opened, God asked, Where are you?²

I find this moment fascinating, profound, utterly inhuman. God did not sweep in with statements (You broke the rules, or, How dare you, or, Next!). The question was not for his information; he did not need help locating his creation. Was this instead a question for Adam’s benefit? Did God, as a wise counselor, lead Adam into an opportunity to honestly locate himself in proximity to his Maker?

The question was met with a mumbled sort of response: I hid. Adam’s self-forgetful ability to rest in God’s presence had turned to an awkward and shifting self-consciousness. There were no directions to where he was hiding (I’m over here!), just a vague and looming fog of shame newly saturating God’s perfect garden. Adam did answer the question, but the answer wasn’t right.

That kind of non-specific, half-baked confession is familiar. When I sense the question directed at me— Where are you?— do I actually have the courage to locate myself? Like Samuel, am I willing to offer an instant, Here I am, with unpretentious and childlike trust?³

“The Shepherdess of Rolleboise,” Daniel Ridgway Knight, 1896

In disorienting seasons, an old friend and I sometimes have asked each other, What kind of sheep are you today? It has been a generative mental exercise to remind myself of the generous character of the Shepherd. When I consider my failures and stupidity, it is easy to assume the Shepherd sounds like my own inner critic— easily frustrated, snarky, vindictive. But when I think of myself as a little sheep and find my situation in the simple ignorance of sheep life, there is a breathe of grace— a reminder of the Shepherd’s compassion.

What kind of sheep am I today? Can I locate myself? Am I stubbornly stuck? Am I dirty, wet, and miserable? Am I genuinely lost? The options are endless. When I think of that confused little sheep, alone in the elements, she is the one with the question, crying out desperately for the Shepherd: Where are you?! Regardless of my perception of timing or presence— though it may only be found in “the wind, the whisper,”— the Shepherd’s answer is unreserved and resounding: Here I am.

1. Other questions include, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19), and “What do you want me to do for you?” (Matthew 20:32).

2. Genesis 3:9

3. 1 Samuel 3